Ezreal, the Sexual Explorer
by Dosu Disciple
Summary: Even in the heat of battle, some desires must be fulfilled. One shot. Crack-ish. Rated E for Ezreal. Not reallly it's rated M.


Jarvan was struck by the turret, crippled from the blow he was brought to the ground.  
"Run Garen, go on without me!" He shouted to his partner as he choked on blood.  
"Never, a Demacian never leaves a comrade behind!"  
"But Garen, you must do it, for Demacia!"  
Garen looked at his dying comrade. It seemed hopeless. To him it seemed they have finally met their match.  
"You belong in a museum!"  
Garen looked and saw that suddenly before them, was Ezreal.  
"Ezreal! Get Sona! Jarvan needs medical attention!"  
Ezreal ignored Garen, and approached Jarvan's side.  
"Go Ezreal! There's no time!" Jarvan ordered. Ezreal placed his finger on Jarvan lips and hushed him.  
"I'm doctor now."

* * *

Sona arrived at the location given to her by Garen. Upon arriving she found the dead body of Jarvan, stripped of his armour. Garen followed behind her.  
"Jarvan died from the heart attack that Ezreal gave him! Then Ezreal...he...he said it was standard medical procedure!"

"Exactly. I marked on our map the path he'll most likely take, we can follow him and...where's our map?"  
A voice came from behind them, "Who needs a map?"

Xin Zhao was in the dense jungle, slaying all monsters in his path. Upon obtaining the blessing of the Elder Lizard, he set off to hunt those that advanced too far in the lanes. While passing the river, Xin heard screams of pain. Curious to see if it is friend or foe, Xin dashed to reach the source of the screams.

On arrival he found Sona, strangely alone. Suspicious of why their support was alone, Xin questioned Sona. After a few minutes, Xin gave up out of frustration. It seemed that Sona had to be in shock, for she would not speak at all. Xin, realizing he must find out what happened himself, started to search the area. Signs of struggle lead to drag marks that ventured off into the brush. Xin knew the danger of entering the brush without checking, but he had to hurry. He had to know what happened.

Inside the brush he found Garen. Under normal circumstances finding Garen in a bush would be no surprise, but Garen's armour was almost completely torn away and he was panicking. Garen struggled as he tried to speak to Xin Zhao.

"Ezreal...he...Jarvan too..."

Garen then collapsed.

Xin was now fuelled by revenge, "Ezreal, that traitor! When I find him, I will show him what happens to those that oppose the justice of Demacia!"

"Sounds dangerous..."

Xin Zhao turned and faced the threat. Behind him stood Ezreal, staring at Xin with a twisted gaze. Xin raised his spear, but Ezreal was too fast. Xin was quickly out manoeuvred and was grappled by Ezreal, who whispered,

"I'm in."

* * *

Sona soon heard the screams of Xin Zhao coming from the brush. She was questioning if it was worth saving Xin or not. He _did_ ignore her warnings when she signalled that Ezreal was in the next bush, it's his fault he's been caught. However Sona knew that leaving her teammates to die would have her sent to the Tribunal for trial. Deciding that it wasn't worth the visit to the tribunal, Sona prepared to play her crescendo. Her hand stopped short of playing the song, because the screams ended. Sona was too late. Knowing that she was the only one left, Sona made a run for her turret, hoping that Ezreal couldn't catch her.

However despite her best efforts, she had yet to purchase boots and Ezreal appeared in front of her, cutting her off from safety. Ezreal approached Sona, carrying a large steel glove on his right hand.

"Xin and the rest...tired me out. So I have to use my fist on you!" He said to Sona with a grin that stretched ear to ear. "I even got enough gold to buy an iceborn gauntlet! Look, it has spikes on the knuckles!"

Ezreal advanced on Sona, but as he walked he heard a puff from below him. Looking down, he realized that he stepped on a Teemo mushroom. He went hysterical and started laughing.

"You...you had Oracle's elixir...why didn't you tell me? I thought we were a team! You were my support!" With his devious smile still across his face, he rushed at Sona with his gauntlet. However, with the poison from mushroom taking effect, Ezreal couldn't catch Sona. Ezreal collapsed. His motionless body laid there, still bearing the smile that haunted Sona.

Sona, still shocked by what happened, just stared back at the body. She couldn't believe how lucky she was. She turned to leave, but as she turned she bumped into Ezreal.

"I have a guardian angel, where do you think you're going?"

Sona's screams where heard across the rift, even the Noxians that were destroying the unguarded nexus of Demacia heard her.

/all BG noob ez


End file.
